a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
