I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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