My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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