grandma shit on top of the toilet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
