I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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