i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
