Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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