Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
