On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
