Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
