i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
