When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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