hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
