There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
