Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
