Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
