No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
