i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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