i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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