The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
