At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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