TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
