that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
