There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everything about him screamed your future.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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