Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
