You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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