That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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