You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
