I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
