I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
