based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
