I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love you. Go after that dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
