Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
