u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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