OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
