Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
