she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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