Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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