some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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