Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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