Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
