My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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