Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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