she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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