I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
