Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
