Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
