The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
