Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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