If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
