Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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