im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
