It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
