Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
