Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i believe in u and ur pee
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
