Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize