ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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