the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
