I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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