he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
