Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
