I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
