I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
