I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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