you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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