You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
