What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize