My friends, they love my intelligence
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
