"it" just moved
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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