I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize