i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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