They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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