Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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