I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
