Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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