I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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