So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
