i think my tv is drunk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize