My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
