Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
